A Virtuous Woman

In the last chapter of Proverbs there is a poem that extols the characteristics of a virtuous woman. One of the interesting things about this poem is that it is an acrostic: the first verse starts with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet, the next verse starts with the next letter, and so forth. (Another example of this is Psalm 119, but that is a topic for another time.)

I’d like to take a few moments and go over what this poem has to say. Its message is really quite striking – and rarely heeded. Even though people today talk about being a “Proverbs 31 woman”, the truth is that this passage puts forth a standard that is radically different from anything our culture is familiar with. There is a tremendous amount that we can learn from these verses – and we would do well to learn from it, instead of simply ignoring it.

The passage starts out with an unexpected statement:

Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

Notice that the passage does not say “Boy, there sure are a lot of virtuous women out there!” Instead it starts off by saying that virtuous women are almost impossible to find. In fact, it’s so difficult to find a virtuous woman that their price is “far above rubies”. In other words, your odds of coming across someone who exemplifies Proverbs 31 is incredibly small. There simply aren’t many virtuous women out there.

That may seem rather harsh, but unfortunately it is true. The standard that this passage sets is quite high, and it goes against our culture’s sensibilities. Many women today don’t want to be a Proverbs 31 woman – and as we go over the passage you’ll see why.

The first quality of a virtuous woman is that she is completely trustworthy. She will do her husband good, and not evil, all the days of her life:

Proverbs 31:11: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

A virtuous woman is completely trustworthy. Her husband never has to worry that she’s cheating on him, or taking advantage on him, or that she has fallen in love with someone else and is about to divorce him. He doesn’t have to worry that she’s going to try to blackmail him in order to get her way (“If you don’t do X I will make your life miserable!!!”). He knows that she is on his side; she will do everything she can for him, and he has no need to worry. He doesn’t have to wonder if one day she’ll just empty his bank account and run off, just because she feels like it. She is a dependable rock and he can trust her. She’s not going to undermine his authority, or try to make him look bad in public, or run him down, or abuse him just for kicks. She is devoted to one thing: doing good for her husband.

I strongly suspect that many husbands don’t have that kind of confidence in their wives, and the reason they don’t is because their wives work so hard to manipulate and blackmail them. Instead of being loving and supportive, many wives use all sorts of underhanded tactics (including denying sex) in order to force their husbands to obey them. There is no genuine peace and love between husband and wife; instead there is distrust, anger, bitterness, and fear.

The next quality of a virtuous woman is that she works hard for the good of her family. She gets up early and works long hours:

Proverbs 31:13: “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.”

There are two key points here: first, she a hard worker, and second, she is working for her family. There are some women who work hard, but their work is only for their own benefit and is actually at the expense of her family. They put their own careers, wants, and desires ahead of their husband and children, and they make them suffer so that they can get what they want. They spend their income on themselves, not caring about what their family might need. Their loyalty is to themselves and themselves alone. The virtuous woman, however, is not like that. The reason she rises up early and works hard is so that she can feed her family and her servants. She is working to meet her family’s needs, not her own desires. The difference is crucial.

The other point here is that she is a hard worker. She rises up early in the morning and works long hours. She is not afraid to get her hands dirty. She is not lazy; she does not lie around, doing nothing and demanding that everyone else serve her. There are some women who believe that the whole world revolves around them, and that everyone’s job is to cater to their every whim. They refuse to do anything and demand that others do all the work so they can sit at home and do nothing. They are parasites, feeding off the family while giving nothing back. The virtuous woman is not like that; she is not lazy and shiftless. She works hard for the good of her family. There is nothing selfish or self-centered about her.

The virtuous woman is also a small business owner:

Proverbs 31:16: “She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. . .
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.”

The virtuous woman is not barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, as some have ludicrously claimed. She is out there working – she buys fields, plants vineyards, makes merchandise, and even sells her own line of clothing. She is engaged in commerce. Notice, once again, that she is a hard worker; in fact, this woman is actually working many jobs at once. She is working for the good of her family – but she does not forget about the poor:

Proverbs 31:20: “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.”

She is so industrious that she is able to provide for her family and for the poor. She is a blessing to her husband, her children, and her community. She takes what she has earned and bestows it upon her family, so that her and her family might be richly dressed:

Proverbs 31:21: “She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.”

On top of that, she brings honor to her husband:

Proverbs 31:23: “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”

She doesn’t try to humiliate her husband in public or make him look bad in front of others. She doesn’t bring up old arguments in front of her husband’s friends in order to make him look like an unreasonable jerk. She doesn’t ridicule him in front of others, or run him down, or tell everyone that she thinks he is a stupid fool. Instead, the virtuous woman brings her husband honor. She doesn’t run him down; instead she lifts him up. She is trying to elevate him, not ruin him. Her husband never has to wonder what she is saying behind his back.

The virtuous woman is characterized by strength, honor, wisdom, and kindness:

Proverbs 31:25: “Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

The virtuous woman is not a jerk. She is not hateful, arrogant, mean-spirited, selfish, or rude; she does not enjoy stirring up trouble, and she does not start fires just to watch the world burn. She does not abuse other people just for the fun of causing pain, nor is she a liar or a fool. Instead she is honorable and wise, and is characterized by love and kindness. She does what she says she will do, and she keeps her promises. She cares deeply about her household and works long hours in order to take care of it:

Proverbs 31:27: “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

The virtuous woman does not say “I am Queen; bow down and worship me.” She is not a selfish monster who abuses her power to get what she wants, nor does she destroy her own household if she cannot have her way. She cares about her household and tries to enrich it; she sees herself as a servant, not as a god to be worshiped.

In response, her husband and her children heap praise upon her:

Proverbs 31:28: “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”

The virtuous woman exceeds all other women; there are none like her. Her family praises her because she outdoes them all. She is the cream of the crop; she is a priceless jewel whose value exceeds that of the finest gems. She is a true treasure.

Why does she do these things? Because she fears the Lord:

Proverbs 30:30: “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

She knows what many people have forgotten: that we will all stand before God and be judged for the things we have done. Christians are no different; we will have to stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account of the way we lived our lives:

Romans 14:10: “But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.
11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

The virtuous woman works hard because she knows she will have to give an account of what she has done to God, and she wants to give a good report. She wants to tell God that she has worked hard for her family, that she did what was right, and that she was trustworthy and honorable. She fears God, and so she lives her life with wisdom.

There are a great many people today who have no fear of God – and that includes Christians. So many people live abusive, self-centered lives, not caring about tomorrow and not caring who they hurt or what they do with their time. They live as if it doesn’t really matter. They foolishly think that God will never call them to account for the things they have done. Yet, their unbelief will not make the day of judgment go away. Just because they don’t believe it doesn’t mean it will not happen. Whether we like it or not, and whether we believe it or not, we will have to give an account of ourselves to God. Both the foolish and the wise will one day find themselves standing before God, and when that day comes the fool will deeply regret what he has done.

Am I saying that Christians who live poorly will go to Hell? Absolutely not. But I am saying that faithfulness matters. If you live a wretched life then you will enter Heaven empty-handed and will see others receive rewards while you get nothing. When you stand before God Himself you will have to admit that yes, you didn’t care very much about Him and you totally wasted your life. You will also have to live with the fact that when you had your one chance to serve God in a fallen world, you chose to ignore God and live as a self-centered jerk. For all of eternity, when people ask you “How did you serve God during your lifetime?”, you will have to tell them that you didn’t serve God; you served yourself instead and lived a life of dishonor.

You may not care very much about that now, but when you stand before God it is all that you will care about. When that day comes, honoring God is the only thing that will matter to you. The fact that you had your chance and didn’t take it will devastate you. You will be ashamed and heartbroken, and there will be no way to go back and undo what you had done. God will wipe away your tears, but He will not undo your past.

I strongly urge you to live for the Lord now, while there is still time. Be a virtuous person. Live with honor and wisdom and kindness. Fear the Lord. If you do not you will bitterly regret it – and I am warning you now, while you can still do something about it. The day is rapidly coming when you will run out of time.