Forgiving Those Who Are Not Sorry

One of the standard teachings of the modern church is that if someone wrongs you, you should forgive them – even if they’re not sorry. If you ever hear a sermon on forgiveness, this is what you will be told. It’s everywhere.

And yet, take a look at this:

Luke 17:3-4: “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.”

Do you see that? There’s a condition attached! You are indeed to forgive the person who wronged you – if he repents. It doesn’t say “If thy brother trespass against thee, forgive him”. Nope. What it actually says is that if someone wrongs you, you should rebuke them. You only forgive them if they repent.

Does God forgive people who haven’t repented? No, He does not. Does He let people into Heaven who have refused to repent of their sins and ask forgiveness? Nope. In the classic example Christ gave of the unforgiving servant, it is worth noting that the servant that owed little (and whose debt was not forgiven by the servant who owed much) was quite sorry.

Some might say, what of the case of Stephen? Stephen was stoned (illegally, by the way; the High Priest did not have the authority to execute people) by a mob of angry priests, and as he died he said “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge”. There is also the example of Christ who, as He was dying on the cross, said “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” So what are we to make of that?

Well, here is something to think about: in both cases these people were addressing God, not the person who had committed the crime. They were, in essence, praying for their enemies – something we are commanded to do. (We are, in fact, required to love our enemies – even the unrepentant ones – and not hold grudges against them.) But Stephen did not say “Angry mob, I forgive you”. Jesus did not say “Romans, I forgive you”. Stephen was not reconciled to the angry mob – nor was Jesus. In order to be saved, the angry mob had to repent. That was the only way they could be reconciled to Jesus.

Forgiveness is the cancelling of a debt. But the debt cannot be cancelled in the absence of repentance. God will only cancel your debts if you repent; He will not forgive anyone who is not sorry and who refuses to ask forgiveness. God never says “I don’t care if you’re sorry or not; I forgive you anyway”. Repentance is mandatory.

Am I really supposed to believe that, even though God Himself won’t forgive people who aren’t sorry, that I am supposed to? I am supposed to be more forgiving than God? Really? I don’t think so.

If our brother sins against us, we should rebuke him; if he repents, we should forgive him. But forgiveness is not possible without repentance.