Welfare

I was in my living room that evening, enjoying a trek across Middle Earth with a pair of hobbits, when I was disturbed by a knock on the door. Upon rising to answer the knock I saw my friend Norris standing outside, looking even more bedraggled than usual. I reluctantly opened the door.

“Hey there!” Norris called out, beaming with happiness. “I’m so glad your home! I’ve got some great news for you.”

“Hello to you too, Norris,” I said. I hadn’t seen my friend in weeks. “That’s – great. What do you have on your mind?”

“I’ve come to offer you an opportunity to enrich your life!” he said enthusiastically. “I’ve come to bless you with good tidings!”

“So you’ve found a job at last!” I said, reaching my hand out toward him. “Congratulations! I knew you could do it if you just went out and looked for one. Able-bodied men like yourself are in high demand these days. You’ve finally started on the road to adulthood, my friend.”

Norris shook his head. “Oh no – you misunderstand! It’s even better than that. I’ve come to offer you a chance to help a friend in need. I’ve decided to move in with you!”

I withdrew my hand and put it back in my pocket. “I don’t think so, Norris. Of all the people on this wonderful planet of ours, you are least qualified to claim to be a person in need. What you need is a little responsibility.”

“Ah, my friend,” Norris said, “my very dear friend! This is a chance to exercise generosity in a cold and blistery month! This is a marvelous chance for you to show some warmth and compassion to a cold man, without funds or prospects.”

“So your sister finally got wise and kicked you out, did she?” I asked.

“That’s quite beside the point,” Norris said. “I am here now, ready to be a blessing to you, my friend!”

“You mean you’re ready to leech off my hard work,” I replied. “There is no reason on earth why you can’t go get a job, Norris. You’re quite capable of working; you just don’t want to. You’d rather steal from your neighbors than take care of yourself.”

“I prefer to think that I’m offering people a chance to give back to the community,” he replied.

“You’re a thief, Norris,” I said. “I’m not going to subsidize your desire to live without working.”

“You can’t just leave me out here,” he protested. “My TV show starts in half an hour.”

I smiled. Norris looked at me, puzzled.

“My friend,” I said. “As you know, I have great love and concern for you in my heart. For years I have tried to help you in your journey through this world.”

“That’s more like it,” he said. He started to step inside, but I held him back.

“You, however, are confused,” I continued. “You mistakenly believe that your real need is shelter and funds, but it’s not.”

“It’s not?” he asked.

“No, Norris, it’s not. Your real problem is a lack of character! You need to become independent and stop stealing from people who care about you. And I, Norris – I am willing to help you on your quest to become a good citizen.”

“How are you going to do that?” he asked.

“By allowing you to suffer the consequences of your actions,” I replied.

“But you can’t do that!” he said, aghast. “How can I possibly live a comfortable life if you don’t pay my way?”

“You could try paying for it yourself,” I replied, as I closed the door.